You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
