adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
