"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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