thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dear god my vagina.
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