They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
