I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
