apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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