Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You may now shotgun with the bride
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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