in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize