White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
