Cold hands, warm shart.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Of course I have a pirate flag
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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