I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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