Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And then my night got REAL pukey
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
