Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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