I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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