does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Say something about gay babies.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
