Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
