You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
