he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
