Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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