Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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