see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
