Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
