she takes plan B like it's going out of style
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
