Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
