you guys were way drunker than both of me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
