Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
