How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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