when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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