Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
