i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize