A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
