So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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