look no pants
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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