yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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