I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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