The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
