your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
