And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
