i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Operation Purity has been aborted
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize