This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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