I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
