Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
