Pappa wants mamma naked
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
