I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
