you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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