Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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