Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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