these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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