Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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