her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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