Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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