I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Success! We fucked roommates!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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