Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
