how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
