I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Alive.
So much puke
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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