i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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