so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
