Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
