I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
