$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
