My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
