the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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