I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
