So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
