I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
