I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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