Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The air taste purple.
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