Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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