I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
