After last night, I could never be a politician.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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