You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
