this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
