every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
