Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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