Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I see more hoeing in ur future
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