I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
