living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
