can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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