Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
