when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
