literally had 100 drinks last night.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
