I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
