Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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